Indonesia

Bali, Indonesia the place of dreams, the ultimate honeymoon destination- endless white sand beaches, beautiful sunsets, blissfully peaceful. Well that’s what we thought anyways. Where we got that information from we do not know, because it is blatantly wrong! We imagined landing in a top of the range airport, reminiscent of a hotel, where a little man would be waiting with cocktails for us and would put a necklace of flowers on us, all the while another little man would be playing the bongos or something. Hmmm to say we were mildly disappointed is an understatement. The airport was a dingy room which looked like people actually went around spraying dust about the place and we had to wait an hour to get our visa stamped, not even a vending machine about the place. We later learned that Bali is to Australians, what Ibiza is for us. A cheap hot place, to drink, suntan and go wild for a week or two. Not exactly what we had in mind, but when in Rome do what the Romans do. After a pretty dry month in New Zealand we were ready for some shenanigans!

We came to Bali to meet up with our eternal travel buddy Elton, who was living out there for a few months. He kindly put us up in his house which was outside the city in an area where no tourists really venture. Well that threw us back in Asian culture. We should say we fell back into Asian culture, because we literally did- a lot! The pavement looked like it had just about survived an earthquake and took a lot of concentration not to break an ankle or fall down the gaping holes that we think were suppose to be some sort of drainage system! The novelty of being a whitey was back, with people telling us we were beautiful and inviting us into our houses (yes we missed being minor celebrities!). The laundry lady took a particular shine to Sherry and would literally run down the street waving at her every time she passed by and brought her sisters around to see her!

Elton having lived here for a while, had the Bali drinking schedule down to a T. Sky garden was the HQ. It was six floors up but we were told in was worth the effort. $5 for all you can eat buffet and free beer for four hours- cha-ching! Then back to the Swedes apartment (has anyone else noticed Swedes never travel alone, but it packs! We think they are afraid to interbreed with other nations in case they ruin their perfect genes!) for a game of kings, quick dip in the pool to cool down and then back to sky garden for free drinks for ladies; needless to say we were pretty happy with this set up. Nothing could stop us going out- not even having literally no clean clothes as the laundry lady had seemed to taken them hostage so she could spend some more time with Sherry. One night Sherry even resorted to wearing a pair of running shorts out!

After a few nights out in Kuta, and drinking Sky Garden for all its worth we headed up the coast to the beach town Seminyak. It has a reputation for having beautiful boutiques, coffee shops and bars but alas we saw none of them. We arrived at nine in the morning and decided to get some breakfast before we found accommodation. Luckily we liked the café we stopped in because we spent the whole day there, and we mean the whole day. What started off as a few drops of rain transcended into the worst rain we’ve ever seen. And being Irish we know a thing or two about rain! It was non-stop torrential until eight that night! It was monsoon season in fairness. At the point we gave up, got a taxi and headed back to Elton’s. Epic Fail!

Not to be too downhearted with our abysmal attempt to explore Bali we rose early the next day and set our sights on Ubud, a town famous for yoga and meditation in the middle of the island. Things didn’t get off to a good start when we got stuck on a mini bus with a ridiculously stereotypical annoying America couple- how to explain them…hmmm it seems cruel but the word nerds come to mind. The two of us have often come under that bracket in our days but these guys were another level- we’re pretty sure the guy had a pocket protector and the girl kept going on about her anxiety and taking puffs of her inhaler. Annie was suddenly engrossed in reading her book for the next few hours, leaving poor Sherry to have the lol’s with them!

We fell in love with Ubud from the second we arrived. It is the most elaborately beautiful place we’ve ever been. No details are left unnoticed, every door, wall, floor is crafted with intricate designs and carvings. With all the Buddhism, organic food and yoga floating about the place, it has a very Zen feel about it. We stayed in a home stay with possible the nicest family ever. We payed a ridiculously small amount of money for a private room including breakfast. In fact our week long stay here cost LESS than one night accommodation in a 12 bed dorm in Melbourne, scandalous. There was also the bonus of the really fancy hotel beside us with a pool, where we very sneakily pretended to be part of a tour group and used for the week. We eventually go caught the day before we left but at the stage we were bronzed enough! Outside the town their amazing rice fields and ancient ruins were breathtaking. 

It also has the extra bonus of a monkey park, which was crazy. The monkeys are free t o run about the place, jumping from person to person. You can see through her strained smiles Annie was terrified of the monkey but trying to play it cool. Sherry thought this was hilarious, encouraging them to attack her. Ahem enter Karma. Within two seconds there was a monkey on Sherry’s head, trying to bit her. There was a dodgy day or two where we thought she might have contracted rabies but thank goodness she survived!

The majority of our time in Ubud was spent doing yoga and meditation. Well that’s a lie; we tried one mediation course and let’s just say it wasn’t for us. We were apparently trying to release energy for the chakra by tuning our breathing into certain areas. Hmmm basically it was 20 bona fide hippies in a room, panting heavily and gyrating. We may have wandered into a group orgy were not quite sure! We were supposed to have our eyes closed and be in a non judgmental space, but come on this was like an insane asylum how could we not look and judge. To one side of us there was a girl profusely sweating, as if she was doing hot yoga, another girl who collapsed to the ground (who later in the group discussing explained that her body told her to let go be free and fall, cuckoo). The highlight had to be the Chinese woman who appeared to be running on the spot with her hands like paws at her chest. We made the ultimate mistake at this stage of looking at each other- oh dear lord the compulsive giggles. It took every bit of restraint we had not to burst out laughing. Her explanation was that she had seen a tiger (or Thai-guur as she said it) while she was in the 3rd chakra and the thai-gur told her to run like a thai-gur!! Neither of us had any sort of outer or inner body experience but hey we got a right laugh out of it.

The yoga on the other hand was a success story. Having not done exercise in a long time, it was a relief to stretch the limbs! Restorative yoga with Jose was amazing. It’s done with hanging belts and the weight of your body to align, stretch and strengthen the body- and it’s really fun to swing upside down. Jose was hilarious, he was torn between the yoga, calm persona and his own want for people to stop fucking about and do what he’s telling them! He would start very peacefully telling to you to relax as he distorted your limbs. As your body tenses up, as in a natural when someone is kneeing you in the back he would say a little more vigorously relax. By the third attempt he’d lose the plot and be shouting out you to RELAX! To redeem himself, he’d sit the classic mediation pose and take a breather by ooommmming! He’d then proclaim ‘Feel the intensity of the sensation of the ooommmmm’ and suddenly be back in the Zen mode!!! Poor Jose really needed to use his ooommmmming technique to get back in his Zen mode after the lady beside us while hanging upside down literally farted in his face while he tried manipulating her into position. He took this quite well exclaiming that a little release of air was quite common in this situation. It took all our strength to hold the giggles in. Looking back the fear of him screaming at us was probably the best thing for us and we were bending like straws by the end of it. The highlight of yoga had to be Bali Buddha the café across the road, where we went without fail after every session- the food there can only be described as glorious. The food was organic, fresh, and vegetarian you couldn’t help but feel healthy afterwards!

After a week in Ubud, we were like new woman. Our minds, bodies and sprits were balanced and at ease. What next? Perhaps a retreat with some monks? Advanced yoga for the soul…eh not exactly…how about two weeks of drinking the heads of ourselves, debauchery and all out fun. Gili Islands here we come!

The Gili’s are three islands in between Bali and Lombok, each characterised by a different level of either party or isolation. Our plan was to spend a maximum of three nights on Gili T the party island and then venture to the others. Rooky mistake! Never go the party island first, our intended three night stay turned into a 15 drinking bender! The only night we didn’t go out was due to what we assume was severe alcohol poisoning that left us unable to move (except to the shop next door for coke). 

Our first night out pretty much set the standard for the rest of our time on the island! We hit Rudy’s bar- known for its cheap but dodgy alcohol. We were only delighted to see that double vodka was only two euro, and after 12 hours of traveling we gladly downed a few. We were later to find out that a Gili island double vodka is the equivalent of a quadruple Irish vodka, that explains why were in bed by eleven..Messes!!! But despite our few hours on the town we made quite an impression with the bar staff. Every time we walked by the bar, they would shout out a couple of Irish phrases and also HEY MARY, HEY SHIELA! So apparently we gave them fake names. For two weeks we were known as Mary (Sherry) and Sheila (Annie).

We gladly fell into a routine of drinking ourselves blind (which is actually a risk here due to methanol poisoning), going wild, staggering home in the early hours, dying hung-over on the beach and having a miraculous recovery just in time for another night out! That first week is a blur. We have literally sat down and tried to distinguish what night was what by looking at the camera, piecing together nights out etc there was the night we were teenage mutant ninja turtles, the night in the Irish bar (enough said), the night of the weird Italians etc but alas it’s still confusing. 

On one of the above nights we were sitting in Rudy’s bar having a few warm up drinks, when the heavens opened and it started lashing down. Not a big deal because we sheltered where were sitting, but OMG what a congregation ended up joining us to avoid the downpour- In possible the oddest half an hour of our lives, we were joined by two Russians with no English, who despite this insisted on trying to talk to us, a simple guy who worked in the bar who they referred to a ‘little bit idiot’, who spent 20 minutes in hysterics when a cup was blown by the wind, a fat guy who worked in the bar who they called ‘fat idiot’ who spent the time singing Adele, a bar man high on mushrooms wearing a black bag on his head, and two drug dealers trying to sell us anything from hash, to green and pink pills to heroine! Finally the rain settled and we were ready to party. Being a victim of frizzy hair( which earned her the nickname sideshow bob!) Annie asked Sherry to fix her hair. Sherry with a few drinks on her proclaimed, qoute 'your hairs fine, trust me it looks gorgeous, I wouldn't let you out otherwise' unqoute. Well either Sherry secretly hates Annie and is trying to bring her down or she a fan of the afro look because two minutes later when Annie was in the bathroom a lady boy with not one word of english came over to her. With a lot of hang signaling he/she explained how the hair was out of control and possible offensive. He then took the bobbin out of his own hair and insisted in tying up Annie's hair. At least you can rely on lady boys to tell you the truth, thanks Sherry!!!

Aside from being famous for cheap drink, Gili T is also famous for cheap food. Every night a market is set up in the main square where u can get a feast for less than a euro. After a few days of testing each stall, we had scoped our favorite items from each and would go from one to the next compiling our meals. We even had a man who would make us food at six in the morning on the way home, and tried without success to teach Annie chess! Nearly everybody on the island would come here for food, the perfect opportunity to spot some hotties before the nights out. Unfortunately it meant you also ran into people you were trying to avoid. Like the nerdy American couple. They caught us one night while we queuing for food, and in their loudest voices did a synchronised ‘HI GUYS”. Eek this was bad for our street cred! Worse still the guy got up and went for a high five. Before his hand was in the air, Annie was gone mortified! Poor Sherry was left standing with him with his hand and lingering in the air. She had no choice but to feebly high five back. Cringe!  

After a week on the island we realised we hadn’t done any of the activities we had planned, snorkeling, diving, and cycling even though we had spent twice as long as we supposed to here. We eventually got around to cycling the island, and what a day we picked- there was a 10k race of with many beautiful men on display. We saw one man that can only be described as a specimen and proof that god does exist. In true Hollywood style he ran by shirtless, ripped and dripping in sweat. We in true looneytoon style suddenly stopped cycling and our jaws hit the floor. We were paralysied, staring at him and drooling. He just meekly smiled as if he always had that affect on women! hubba hubba! Where is the camera when you need it…

The second week we were there, suddenly the island got sooo packed. Overnight the amount of tourist doubled. On Bali it was their national silent day, what’s that you say? Well it’s a day where everyone on Bali cannot turn on lights, go outside or talk. Hmmm not exactly what people plan as part of a wild holiday and hence everyone migrates over to Gili’s. In amongst these guys were the new German friends, Sven and Bennie. With these guys, our Swedish guys and the girls we’d met earlier in the week we went wild for the half moon party that night (and the rest of the week). The time in Gilis flew by so it was quite a suprise to realise we only had one day left on our Indonesia visa. Quick to the mainland to book a flight out of here- where to we do not know. We've really taken well to this traveling thing!!